{"id":59,"date":"2017-11-28T06:32:23","date_gmt":"2017-11-28T14:32:23","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/jagallien.wordpress.com\/?p=59"},"modified":"2017-11-28T06:32:23","modified_gmt":"2017-11-28T14:32:23","slug":"fashion-police","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jaymason.gallien.us\/?p=59","title":{"rendered":"Fashion Police"},"content":{"rendered":"

In the early days of the 1950’s, America was known for two things:<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Being Wicked Cool<\/li>\n
  2. Winning Wars<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

     <\/p>\n

    \"manguns\"
    Not necessarily in that order, either.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

    It seems to me that we’ve lost our way. I don’t know whatever happened to the aspiration of being James Dean\/Steve McQueen cool, and I can’t bring it back by myself. In lieu of that we could master the basics of getting dressed in the morning. I know that sounds condescending, but I work in Olympia, and… y’all need some help.<\/p>\n

    So let’s start with the simple stuff:<\/p>\n

    1. Match Your Leathers (see item #2)<\/a><\/p>\n

    If nothing else, you should ask yourself “why are my shoes black and my belt brown? Why don’t I just buy things in one color?” Let laziness be your guide!<\/p>\n

    2. Don’t Tuck Your T-Shirt Into Your Jeans<\/p>\n

    Yes, I know that you were raised on a farm and that you’re prematurely forty years old. I know that this “internet thing” is new to you. But I’ll take the time to chisel it onto a stone tablet to let you know that if you’re going to tuck it in, it should have a collar.<\/p>\n

    NOTE: You may\/should tuck it in if it’s an under<\/strong>shirt.<\/p>\n

    3. No Fedoras<\/p>\n

    Everytime you wear a fedora, God reaches back in time and re-cancels Firefly<\/em>, just to punish nerd-culture as a whole. If you seriously think a staple of 1920’s fashion and your anime T-Shirt go together, you should probably ask for help getting dressed in the morning.<\/p>\n

    4. Crocs. Seriously?<\/p>\n

    Fun Fact: When you buy crocs, you directly support terrorism.<\/p>\n

    5. Slacks + Tennis Shoes<\/p>\n

    I don’t know what this combo means. Are you planning to go running, but you want to look nice? If that’s the case, you can stop.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Are you tired of looking like you do? Good, me too.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":61,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[8],"tags":[27,29],"class_list":["post-59","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-things-that-irritate-me","tag-rules","tag-style"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jaymason.gallien.us\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/59","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jaymason.gallien.us\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jaymason.gallien.us\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jaymason.gallien.us\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jaymason.gallien.us\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=59"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/jaymason.gallien.us\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/59\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jaymason.gallien.us\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/61"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jaymason.gallien.us\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=59"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jaymason.gallien.us\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=59"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jaymason.gallien.us\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=59"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}